What is Consent?

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Simply defined, consent is a “mutual agreement to engage in an activity.” While largely talked about in sexual contexts, consent has important non-sexual applications as well!  
 
As individuals, it is important that we practice and prioritize consent in all of our interactions so that it becomes a natural part of our relationships and a shared expectation within our community. 
 
The definition can appear simple, but the practice is not. Consent is nuanced and can be complicated due to cultural and sociaetal differences, shame, and stigma surrounding sex. That’s why, when working toward a consent-centered community, we also embrace sex positivity! When we are sex positive, communication around our sexual preferences, needs, and boundaries becomes more comfortable and can even become an effective tool to prevent harm and promote pleasure. 
 
To help understand some of the basics of consent, we use the acronym F.I.R.S.T.! Each letter represents a central tenant of consent. 

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Consent is NOT

In understanding consent, it is also important to review what it is not. Consent is NOT: 

  • Silence 

  • The absence of a ‘no’ 

  • Talking a ‘no’ into a ‘yes’ 

If someone uses the phrases below, it might indicate some hesitation or reluctance. Consent is not present when someone says: 

  • “Maybe” 

  • “I guess” 

  • “I don’t know” 

  • “I’m tired” 

  • “Wait” 

If someone is under the influence of alcohol or other drugs or is otherwise incapacitated, consent cannot be given 

Consent Phrases

  • Before Sex

    These phrases can help you check in with your partner before initiating sex:

    • “Can I..?” 

    • “Do you want to..?” 

    • “What would feel good?” 

    • “Are you sure?” 

  • During Sex

    These phrases can help you check in with your partner during sex:

    • “Is this okay?” 

    • “Do you like this?” 

    • “Does this feel good?” 

    • “Are you comfortable?” 

    • “Do you want this to go any further?” 

    • “Do you want to do something else?”

  • After Sex

    These phrases can help you check in with your partner after sex:

    • “How are you doing?” 

    • “Is there anything you would have wanted more/less of?” 

    • “Did any feelings come up for you that you would like to talk about?” 

    • “What do you need right now?” 

Consent and Colorado State Law

The legal parameters of consent under the Colorado Revised Statutes § 18-1-505 (3) read as follows:

(3) Unless otherwise provided by this code or by the law defining the offense, assent does not constitute consent if:

(a) It is given by a person who is legally incompetent to authorize the conduct; or
(b) It is given by a person who, by reason of immaturity, mental disease, mental defect, or intoxication, is manifestly unable and is known or reasonably should be known by the defendant to be unable to make a reasonable judgment; or
(c) It is given by a person whose consent is sought to be prevented by the law defining the offense; or
(d) It is induced by force, duress, or deception.