Living With a Roommate

Sharing more about your background and interests helps you and your roommate know each other as people. It also helps give you context on their lived experiences and how they may see the world, whether that is similar or different from you. Knowing more about your roommate helps you understand how experiences can be different, but that doesn't mean that a relationship has to be poor.

• Share information about your hometown, family, and background.
• Discuss your hobbies, interests, and extracurricular activities.
• Explore common interests and potential shared activities.

Naturally, roommates may have different habits and routines--you should also expect that your class schedules will be different! Understanding each other's schedules will help you learn to work around each other's needs and plan together to set you both up for success. It is also important to remember that you both may need to compromise to ensure your needs are reasonably met.

• Communicate your class schedules, study habits, and daily routines.
• Discuss preferred sleep times and any potential disruptions to sleep schedules.
• Establish a system for sharing the bathroom, especially during busy mornings.
• Talk about your study preferences and how you can create a conducive study environment.
• Share academic goals and discuss how you can support each other in achieving them.
• Establish guidelines for quiet study time and potential collaboration on academic projects.

Communication is key to having a successful roommate relationship and is sometimes one of the harder things to do. However, it is one of the most important. It's important to understand the best communication methods that are clear to the other individual. You may approach communication differently depending on who it is directed to.

• Discuss how you prefer to communicate and address issues and conflict (e.g., in person, through messaging, or via notes).
• Establish regular check-ins to discuss any concerns or changes in plans.

Maintaining a clean living environment and setting expectations around shared responsibilities are essential to having a comfortable and respectful living environment. You will need to agree on what is an acceptable standard of living and make decisions on what (or whether) you share responsibilities, such as cleaning or getting supplies.

• Establish a system for keeping the living space clean and organized.
• Discuss shared responsibilities, such as taking out the trash or cleaning common areas.
• Address any specific preferences or pet peeves related to cleanliness.
• Discuss how shared expenses, such as groceries or common supplies, will be managed.
• Establish a system for sharing or dividing costs, if applicable.

Every person has an idea of their boundaries and how they would like to be respected, but sometimes, they may not make this known to others. Boundaries help others understand what respect looks like for a person. Not only will you likely establish initial boundaries, but it is important to communicate with each other if new situations require additional ones. 

• Communicate personal boundaries and discuss ways to respect each other's space.
• Talk about privacy concerns and establish guidelines for sharing personal items.
• Address any potential conflicts or issues and how to handle them respectfully.

College is a social environment, but social life can differ depending on the person. It can be easy to unintentionally misinterpret others' ideas of social life as similar to ours. Having conversations early can help ensure that everyone is able to be social in a way that feels most comfortable. 

• Share information about social events, gatherings, or activities you plan to attend.
• Discuss whether you prefer to be social together or independently.
• Explore opportunities for shared social experiences.
• Set expectations regarding having guests or visitors in the shared living space.
• Discuss guidelines for overnight guests and communicate any preferences or concerns.

Conflict is a natural part of being human. We are guaranteed to experience it occasionally. It's better to talk about this as soon as possible when this happens. Otherwise, frustrations may build, poor decisions may be made, or the environment may become uncomfortable for everyone. Knowing how to resolve conflicts when they occur effectively is a valuable skill in personal relationships. Here are some tips:

• Stay Calm. Keep your emotions in check and approach the situation calmly. Step away briefly if you feel overwhelmed, but step back into the conversation. If you must step away, it's better to communicate how much time you'll need.
• Actively Listen. Give the other person your full attention by listening to them without interrupting to understand their perspective better.
• Seek Understanding. If you don't understand, ask open-ended follow-up questions, such as "Could you tell me what that looked like?" or "Could you describe that differently? I don't understand."
• Clearly Express Yourself. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without placing blame. You should describe the actions and their impact on you and communicate your needs.
• Body Language. Be mindful of your body position, facial expressions, and non-verbal. Avoid passive aggression.
• Avoid Placing Blame. Avoid frustrations by using neutral language. Instead of accusing someone or making personal attacks, share observations and impacts of specific behaviors or actions.
• Be Solutions-Oriented. Seek to find a solution that reasonably meets everyone's needs. This means considering multiple solutions and being willing to compromise on the best one. Solutions should benefit everyone.
• Follow-Up. After agreeing on a solution, follow up to see how it's working. Make collective decisions about whether anything needs to change. 

Sometimes it is difficult to handle a conflict alone, which is okay. Our team has multiple staff dedicated to helping you resolve your conflicts by facilitating a respectful, open dialogue. Your Resident Assistant (RA) can be among the first people you may seek help from. They can provide a peer perspective and help you have initial conversations. In addition to your RA, your residential community has professional staff members skilled at having more complex conversations that may be outside of your RA's ability. 

At any time, you should feel comfortable reaching out to your RA or the professional staff of your residential community if you need additional help resolving a conflict. 

When conflicts are irresolvable, you may want to consider whether a room change is the only remaining step. We like to discourage room changes if there hasn't been a meaningful attempt to resolve the conflicts you are experiencing. The reason is that if these skills are not practiced, conflict may occur with your next roommate if those skills are used. 

It's important to know that we will not move your roommate if you have a conflict with them. We can allow you to change rooms depending on available assignments.

If you want to explore a room change, email your Resident Director.